We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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