ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
