I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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