careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
