dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
