I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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