you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
