That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
