When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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