She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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