Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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