i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
