It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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