i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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