my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well you can't waste a boner
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
