listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
