At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
