benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
