Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
