Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
