aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
