Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
