Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
