i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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