She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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