I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize