If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
