I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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