I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
