after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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