I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
