Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
