I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
