it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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