I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
