my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
