when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
