I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
