i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
