A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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