i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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