She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
