Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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