he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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