How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
