I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
