dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
