I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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