At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
