i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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