I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
