He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
