if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
