remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
