quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
