Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
