I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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