if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
false alarm. still invincible.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
