so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
