the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
