i may or may not be watching the land before time
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
