just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
