I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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