you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
