so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
