Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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