This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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