Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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