He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
