new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
