Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
