Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
