Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings

(856): View more from New Jersey

youre going to kill that woman one of these days

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(323): View more from California

Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.

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(214): View more from Texas

Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go

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(858): View more from California

Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

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(914): View more from New York

I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.

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(757): View more from Virginia

The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"

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