I haven't been this sober since birth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.