ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think my mom watched the whole time
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny