I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
