I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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