exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
