And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
