You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shame is for Republicans.
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