I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
