I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
