is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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