And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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