I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
