Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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