We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Banned from zoo.
Again?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
